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Archive for October, 2009

I have started online dating and while looking though profiles I think I found some really good matches.
How should I break the ice with first message to them.
I am 20 yo btw, and these girls are in the 18-20 range as well.

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Many people use online dating sites to overcome shyness and insecurity before testing the waters in the offline world.

When two scientists representing Perth’s Murdoch University got together to research the world of online dating introductions they discovered some interesting statistics. The research involved several focus groups of online dating site members and online dating past users.
 

Their studies discovered that having such a big sea of online dating singles to choose from gave even the most insecure singles a huge confidence lift. The possibility of meeting and being chosen by other attractive dating members, who were openly available, assisted them to put aside their feelings of insecurity.
 

“With internet online dating, members have more choices, they have the opportunity to be more selective and their level of confidence rises, they’re not only relying on appearances and confidence to meet people” quotes Dr Kirsty Best who conducted the studies with colleague Sharon Demelge. “Also, this isn’t just finishing at the computer screen, it’s the attitude online internet daters are taking with them into the real world. A single woman who may have at one time or another sat and listened to a boring guy in a bar because she thought her options were closed might now be more likely to excuse herself from the conversation as she knows that she can look around elsewhere” Dr Best says to the telegraph.
 
 
 
“Whilst the numbers are massive with respects to the amount of members joining online dating sites, the biggest challenge is the sifting through them all. Like any well stocked department store, successful internet online dating sites make it simple for singles to track down exactly what they are looking for. Few have time to sort through the clearance bins of love for the right fit. Security procedures, virtual dates and other detailed searching criteria are ways some sites are using to assist their members find the right match. The hardest issue used to be the introduction part – that’s what friends playing match maker, computer chat, pre-arranged weddings and the dance were all about” Dr Best suggests. In some ways however, many online dating singles who use sites too often can end up missing out on many potential matches. The research showed that they used an in house selection system to weed out those unsuitable matches. This same selection method though often sidelines many perfect matches as the artificial constraints do not take into account information not held online.
 
 
 
Andrew, one of the study participants quoted in the daily telegraph said “I got the distinct feeling, it’s a lot like shopping, they’re thinking he’s rather nice, but let’s see if there’s anyone better emailing or smsing me”. Dr Best predicts that singles will become less likely to be happy with just one person, becoming like fashionists who will not buy a pair of shoes until they have looked at every shoe in the store. Of course with so many online daters to select from, that could take forever. The trick to successful online dating is to stop when you find someone that feels right and not think that a better deal is just one click away.
 
 

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The research is being conducted online in IM with online daters between the ages of 18 and 30. Participants chat with the interviewer about their online dating experiences – what’s been good, what’s been bad and anything in between. Participants discuss if they think there’s anything risky about online dating, how many people they’ve met through online dating, what have been the outcomes of these meetings and how does it all compare to meeting people in other ways.

Well, some of the interim results are in and we’d like to share them with you.

Professor Pranee Liamputtong says:
It’s interesting, when we compare these early project findings to some similar research we did five years ago, you can see a real change in how and why people are using online dating. Five years ago online dating was less common and a lot of people felt some stigma around using it, whereas now it’s much more the norm. Many participants are reporting that this is one of the most common ways they and their friends meet people.

So what are people using online dating for? Participants so far have shared a variety of reasons. It seems most people seem to be using online dating to seek out a long term partner. But that’s not to say sex doesn’t feature. For some people online dating still offers an opportunity to explore their sexuality; such as allowing people to try different sexual behaviours or to explore their sexual orientation. As one participant who uses online dating as with her partner summed up “meet people and maybe have sum fun, make friends”.

Online dating also offers a great way for people to widen their networks allowing you to meet people that you wouldn’t otherwise and it can all be done when you’re comfortable at home. One participant noted that she liked online dating because it “enabling me to meet someone who I shared interests with – without having the hassle of trying to have a conversation in some noisy bar or pub where all of the guys mates are watching his every move”.

Of course everyone has some method of screening their potential dates. The most obvious are by looks and personality as they are displayed initially through a profile and then through chat, email and phone calls. But how else are our fellow online daters screening their potential hook ups?

Increasingly people are using an array of online methods to screen their dating prospects. Some people like to look for consistency between what a person writes on their profile and what they type in chat. Some people like to use webcam as it helps them read body language and expressions to assess sincerity and honesty. And now with the rise of social networking sites, a number of online daters will check out their prospective dates MySpace or Facebook pages to see if everything adds up and matches what they already been told and the photos they’ve already seen.

So does this all sound similar or different to your own online dating experiences?  If you’d like to be part of this project and share your thoughts, experiences and opinions about online dating then just add onlinedating@latrobe.edu.au to your messenger or visit the project webpage to find out more.

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